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18 September 2011

A Year

a year.

It's been a year.  

Doesn't seem like it's been that long. It still feels like yesterday in so many way.

Time passes, things go back to a 'new' normal, and everyone else moves on. That's what's supposed to happen when you lose someone you love. You grieve, you celebrate that you knew them, but life continues. Because our life is meant to be lived for His Glory. And with the knowledge that we never lose loved ones for good, but that someday we will gather with them in eternity. 

I believe that. 

In a year, I have already seen the good that the Lord worked in Job's short life. I've already seen bits and pieces of His plan revealed to me. I have been broken and shaped and grown as a wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend, and leader. 

I wholeheartedly, without a doubt believe that the Lord had a purpose in giving and taking away Job. His plan is better than anything I can imagine. I know He is working good every single day of my life, if I seek to glorify Him.

But today. 

Today my human heart still grieves. I still hurt and ache to hold him. But most of all, the mother in me is desperate for people to remember him. Why? Because he is our son. Because I felt him kick. I gave birth to him. We held him. And because we lost him. Because is and always will be a part of our family. Because I will always have one more child, waiting on me, up in heaven.

Today I am infinitely more grateful for the blessings in my life, my husband, Jarvis, the twins, and the time we did have with Job. Because he changed my life. Forever. I lost my innocence but gained a stronger, deeper understanding of my amazing Lord. And because of him, I will never lose my hope. 

But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
   on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
   and keep them alive in famine.
We wait in hope for the LORD;
   he is our help and our shield.
In him our hearts rejoice,
   for we trust in his holy name.
May your unfailing love be with us, LORD,
   even as we put our hope in you.
Psalm 33: 18-25