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30 April 2011

National Infertility Week | You are not alone.

So, this past week was National Infertility Week. Resolve is doing Bust an Infertility Myth. I faced infertility for 2 years, and overcame it, but I don't really have a myth to bust.

Instead, I just want to be open and honest about the feelings, emotions, and craziness that you face when that test turns up negative every month. I was very secretive about my infertility. A few people knew we were having trouble, but I didn't really talk with anyone. I hid my feelings and fears. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to express it to my husband or anyone without feeling like I was jumping on the crazy wagon. And it felt like I was the only person in the world who WANTED to be a mother and couldn't be one. I felt very, very alone.

You don't have to be alone. There are SO many women who are speaking out now and talking about their infertility struggles and talking about what infertility does to your life. 

If you've never experienced infertility, it is hard to imagine how it affects every moment of each month. 

The hoping, the wishing. The counting days. Charting temps, Clomid hormone surges, blood drawing, ultrasounds looking for follicles, cervical mucus, ovulation monitors, testing on day 28, then the crushing, sobbing heartache when your period starts again.

You aren't alone. I've been on that crazy wagon, and it feels like it's never going to end. I promise, you aren't crazy. But talk to someone. Me, a friend, another wanna-be mother, someone. Because infertility can do some major damage to you and your marriage. And that's the saddest thing, how the desire to become parents, or the loss of a child can tear apart a marriage. Be each other's support and encouragement. 

I will never forget the moment I got that first positive pregnancy test. Day 29, 3pm (see: crazy wagon, testing in the afternoon on day 29!), and the faintest little line. 2 years, 3 rounds of Clomid and I was finally pregnant. And hubby was night flying and I had to wait HOURS to tell him. 

I am so very blessed to have a happy ending to my infertility story. It changed my outlook on being a mother and has made me a better wife, daughter, mother and friend. And that sweet little exasperating 16 month old napping in his crib was that positive pregnancy test.

And since, I've had two more positive pregnancy tests that didn't end so happily. For many women, becoming a mother is a journey that takes much longer than 9 months gestation.

Trust in the Lord, He has a timing and a plan for everything. As difficult as infertility was, moving 3 times in 10 months with a newborn would have driven me insane. He knows us and He knows the desire of your heart, and more than anything He wants to give it to you. It may not be in your time, or your schedule, but He has an amazing plan. 

Delight yourself in the LORD, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. ~ Psalm 37:4,5 

28 April 2011

Project 52 | A Village | Week 17

Motherhood is

a village.

Because it really does take one to raise those little buggars.

And I wouldn't trade anything for my real family or my military family.

They are my biggest cheerleaders.

And a supported, loved, and encouraged mother is a better mother.

I could add about a million pictures, but here's the one that was actually taken this week.(No, not by me, but I set up the settings and did the editing! haha) There are so many other friends and family not pictured, but I promise, I love you too :)

 Family and Friends at the Easter Egg Hunt at the church where I grew up.
14 adults showed up to watch one little boy hunt eggs for less than a minute, and then decide the pebbles were much more interesting than yucky candy-filled eggs. That's love.

We just returned from 2 weeks spent soaking up precious time with TONS of family and dear friends. What a blessing. I have so many amazing people in my life. The willingness of people to go out of their way to see us and Jarvis blew me away. We saw just about all our family, and many, many friends that we have known since elementary school and beyond. Hubby and I have know each other since middle school and have been together since sophomore year of high school, so there are lots of mutual friends in there, and I am always reminded of long lost memories when we visit. 

And as I treasured that time with people we so rarely get to see, I found a little wistfulness in my heart for my military family back home. Yes, back home. Guess I realized this week that Minot actually is home now. It's the first place we have lived for more than 8 months in 5 years. And I have dug my roots in and made a wonderful group of friends here. I missed them dearly and felt so blessed knowing they were missing and thinking of me. 

How blessed am I??

21 April 2011

Project 52 | Skinned-knees and Scabs | Week 16

Motherhood is

skinned-knees and scabs.

I want him to learn to be independent.

To be able to do things for himself.

But sometimes he trips and stumbles.

A bloody knee. A few fat tears. A kiss and hug. A band aid. 

And he's back to running again.

(unfortunately, I won't be able to fix all of life's skinned-knees so easily for him.)

My baby got his first skinned-knee. Courtesy of a little enthusiastic running on some cobblestone. I should probably be glad it's taken him so long. (Most likely thanks to the  combination of snow and long pants that ND necessitates.) I'm certain it's the first of many more. He is quite a boy. He has one speed- pedal to the metal. And I love that energy! And for now, a little attention from mama, and he's good to go. But I know someday, my hug and kiss won't be enough. He's going to face so many scrapes that he will have to navigate on his own.

But for now, he's little. I'm gonna hug him, and kiss him, and cuddle those tears away. And 
enjoy that I am all he needs. And pretend that will never change. 

15 April 2011

Project 52 | Patient | Week 15

Motherhood is


I'm organized and I like to sort things into buckets and baskets,

Jarvis giggles with glee as he dumps out any container he can get his hands on.

So every day, I sit there and watch him turn over a basket,

And as all the toys go flying, I take a deep breath and let go.

Because learning takes place in the chaos of play,

and that's worth a little mess.

(and then I let the OCD out and clean up during nap time, so he can start all over again.)

When you become a parent, you learn a new type of patience, one that you never knew you had. Everyone I know laughs that all the toys have a 'place,' but I love organizing. And Jarvis is at a very un-organized play stage. Which is fine. I try very hard not to clean up as he plays, I just let him play. And then 10 minutes before nap we start 'cleaning,' which right now is basically him watching me, or putting things in a basket and taking it back out, haha. 

The blocks and bears pictured above are so very pointy and hurt so badly to step on. Yet every kid who comes to my house loves them. They are the one toy I want to hide away forever. But every day, he brings the container to me and signs 'help.' And every day, I open it up, sigh a little, and resign myself to watching where I step for the rest of the day.

09 April 2011

this much [15 mos]

When exactly did it happen?

Because I seem to have missed it.

When did you go from a helpless little baby...

to a toddler with a strong mind of his own?

You may not be talking yet, but you know how to use that sign language.

And you've learned signing 'please' often gets you what you want.

Like getting to walk and 'push' the stroller instead of riding in it. 

But as trying as that independent I-can-do-it mind can be...

I love seeing your personality develop.

We went to the Big One craft fair an flea market, and like any spoiled boy, you made out with some new *old* toys, but your favorite part was running around flirting...

I just love watching Daddy watch you do your magic, 
you are much too cute for your own good!

linking up with styleberry blog in her *this much* project.

08 April 2011

Project 52 | Sweet | Week 14

Motherhood is


Every once in a while, I have to go somewhere by myself.

But as I pull out of the driveway, and see his sweet face in the window,

all I want to do is run back inside, lock the doors, and stay home with them for the day.

My primary job is to be his mother. And I love it. More than I could have even imagined. 

But I have accepted other responsibilities, and sometimes, I have to be gone. And sometimes, I need a little girl time with some of my good friends to recharge and connect.

But every single time, as I pull out of the driveway, I look up to see this. That sweet face smiling and waving bye as daddy holds him. And the annoying yet lovable dog next to them doesn't hurt either.

And I want to run back inside, forget my responsibilities or need for down time and just snuggle them close.

Because when it comes down to it, I love my job. I love being a mother and wife and providing the best life I can for the two of them. So even if I want to get away, it's never for very long, because I love just being with them. 

05 April 2011

a bitty cake | my birthday

It's my birthday week!! 

When you become a mother and the military takes you away from all your family, you realize that the likelihood of anyone baking you a cake is small. And I love cake. L.O.V.E. (although I did have two sweet military friend make me surprise cakes this week... so sweet!!)

Plus, I've been wanting to get the bitty in the kitchen and let him stir and things, since his large motor skills are improving and he spends hours stirring in his own little kitchen and then play eating his food. All I hear are little "smack, smack, smacks."

So we baked a birthday cake. Yes, from a box. Really, what do you expect from a one-year-old?? He made a cake, so what if it's not from scratch!!! Haha...

Bitty stood on a chair to help out. (And before you freak out, do you see my hand there?? I never let go of him, he was completely safe. However, I do want to buy one of these now. So handy, but so bulky...)

We made a mess. And mama continued to breathe and let him stir... and if you know me, you know that's B.I.G. One of the things I am always working to improve as a mother is to let go of the little stuff. Messes are good, as long as they are learning.

Adding the water in. He looks so big in this one. Makes me happy and a little sad too. 
He also kept signing "W" for water after this, he wanted to pour more in. 
I think mixing flour and water may be a weekly activity, he LOVES it.

After mama added the eggs...

"Beat for 2 minutes" He took that to heart!

The cake baked during nap time and then we helped mama ice it (sorta). And then when Dada got home, we sprayed it with a little bit of water and let the bitty sprinkle it.

Next time, we will tape over the big holes and poke a few small holes so he can shake it longer and not use so many sprinkles, haha.

Haha, LOVE Dada's face in these... lots of sprinkles!

My boys  (can you figure out what's off in this picture??)

(yes, the cap is on the sprinkles, he had already covered the cake, but wanted to keep on shaking, haha)

The finished product!! We tried to give the bitty some after his dinner, but he took one bite and spit it out. He's not a big sweets fan (YIPEE), but you can't say I never tried!!

So, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me!! Birthdays have so much more meaning once you become a mother. I now understand the love that my parents must have felt the first time they held me. The exhaustion, joy, pain, and love that they went through over the 18 years I lived with them. So thank you mom and dad, for loving me no matter what, and for bringing me into the world. I love you!

‎"For you have been my hope, O Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth. From birth I have relied on you; you brought me forth from my mother's womb. I will ever praise you." Psalm 71:5-6



03 April 2011

a little bit of fun | sewing and such

So, I've had quite a few deep, introspective posts lately, and I was feeling in the mood for a fun one!

So here's a random, things I love right now post, ps, these are all iphone pics, so they are just so-so, sorry.

Made this dinosaur tail from an old flight suit for the bitty. He loves it. He runs around and roars like a dinosaur. It's awesome.

I love sewing. I love the accomplishment of making something adorable and practical. Plus, I have a fabric addiction, and sewing is a perfect cover-up... This is a minky blanket for a brand-new little baby boy...

Seriously, as much as having a girl scares me (think teenagers, ahhh!), I think I need one. I love ruffles. And bum ruffles are even better. This sweet onesie has a pink polka-dot Huey (helicopter) on the front.

Just when did he grow up on me??? Playing like a big boy. He walked up to the table and had no doubt what to do with those cars on the roads. I think it's ingrained. Trucks, cars, and tractors, we love anything loud and with wheels right now!! (And that includes the vacuum, he LOVES how loud it is and throws a fit when I get done... silly boy)

I am a part of this amazing group, Mothers of Preschoolers (MOPS), and it has been my lifeline here in ND. They are amazing Christian women who gather to fellowship, grow, learn and become better wives, mothers and friends. I have been in charge of the creative activities this past year, however next year I will be stepping up to be a co-coordinator in charge of the group. Jen, our current coordinator, worked with our other group in town and arranged for us to be a part of an international Leadership Summit put on by MOPS. Here are the 8 ladies from our group that attended. It was a wonderful experience and we are very excited about what next year will hold!

Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. Psalm 37:7

So there's a big bucket of random... Happy Sunday!