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13 January 2012

Attitude | p52 | 2012

35 weeks. With twins. Wow. There were lots of moments I wasn't sure we wouldn't make it this far, for many reasons. 

It's finally gotten to the point where I have to be honest and say, it's hard. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I am stretched to my breaking point. My pregnancies before have always been easy physically, twins has been a whole new ball-game.

I walked out of my OB appointment this week frustrated, annoyed, and unhappy with his lack of concern or proactive-ness. I then proceeded to throw a full out 2-year-old tantrum in my car. Oh yes, yay hormones.

See, for the past month, I have been 'taking it easy.' I've been staying home more, sitting on my bum and not cleaning or organizing anything. I've been declining invitations places and I've been laying down or napping more than I ever have in my life. I normally 'create' something every couple of days, instead I was down to one little project a week. I wasn't cooking or really meal planning. I wasn't doing ANYTHING. I wanted to keep these babies in and I thought being lazy and resting would do that. I thought the pain would be better if I rested.

Then, despite my lazy ways, I went to the ER twice in 5 days for contractions. And my pain level jumped up again.

And after my latest OB appointment, I realized that all those things were doing was wearing me down mentally. I'm a do-er, I'm a go-er. I am a homebody for sure, but if I am going to be home, then I need to be creating, or cleaning, or organizing. 

Sitting at home, doing nothing, trying to keep my mind bored and occupied with nothingness WAS NOT WORKING. I was dwelling on the pain. I was CONSTANTLY counting contractions and rating their pain level. I was focusing SO much on every single day, that mentally, I was done. I was honestly hoping they would come any day. 

I decided it was time for an attitude adjustment. Don't get me wrong. There is still lots of napping and sitting going on at this house. I'm still aware of my boundaries and I'm being careful. But I've done more in the past 3 days than probably the last month combined. (Which is still actually very little- I'm talking I did a load of dishes and cooked dinner, lol!) But I made a point to NOT DWELL on the pain. To ignore the constant non-intense contractions and only pay attention if they really hurt. 

And you know what- it worked! I am hurting less, sleeping more, and contracting less. And I am determined to keep these babies in as LONG as my body will hold out. It's so much better for me, and them, if I am mentally in this game, and not emotionally worn out. 

3 weeks left. At 38 weeks we will have a scheduled c-section. A natural delivery is still on the table depending on their positions, but we are pretty much expecting a c-section. They will continue to stop labor as long as they can. Although I am hoping we don't need any more hospital visits until it's time.

We had an ultrasound for the babies Wednesday, and they looked good. The techs at the clinic and hospital know me now, and they compare ultrasounds and the babies positions and sizes, haha! So funny. They keep joking about when I'm going to deliver. It's so hard now to get good pictures of them, because they are seriously crammed in there. Ultrasounds are not perfect, and each time there's more error for measurement, but here are their latest weights:

Baby A- Girl: 4lbs, 5ozs
Baby B- Boy: 5lbs, 2ozs

Both dropped a bit on their weight curve, but their heartbeats and fluid levels looked great. My original goal was to get the both over 5lbs, and we are working on that. Right now, every day they stay in is another day they are with us, and not stuck in a NICU. 

3.more.weeks. We've got this ;)

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Sean and Katie said...

So happy for you! You are doing great! The last week in a "single" pregnancy is hard so I can't imagine what it is like with a "double". I would love to link you to mine and this might sound crazy but how do I do that?

Lorisa said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE this post! A happy wife is a happy life...right? Well, your attitude is great and as long as you are happy mentally, that helps the physical in the long run as well! Praying for 3 solid more weeks of productivity!

Mahina and Lucas said...
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Mahina and Lucas said...

The twins will be here before you know it! So exciting and way to keep a positive attitude near the end of your pregnancy!

Nessa Bixler said...

Hang in there! I can't even imagine how tired carrying all all that baby around must be.