finding joy.: 02.2012

26 February 2012

Insta-Friday | Sleepy & Snowy

1. It was a caffeinated cup of coffee kind of morning...
2. Packed away the maternity tops.... still sporting the maternity pants though.... boo.
3. Rocking our little brother.
4. Park date with the big brother while the babies slept at home with Grandpa.
5. Puppy guarding his babies.
6. Sock as oven mitts... smart boy!!
7. First outing with all three kids- farewell dinner for grandpa on base- to the same place that we went out ot eat after Jarvis was born!
8. Watching Daddy clear snow with the 'baby tractor.' We got hit with our biggest blizzard of the year last night!
9. This big brother LOVES his babies...
10. Big boy watching a fire truck show... mama trying to sneak in a nap...
11. Poppy and Oma made it in before the snow last night!

25 February 2012

Adjusting | p52 | 2012

Oh yes... this is late... but it's here!

Sigh. Poor thing. Every thing has been a bit crazy over the past month, and while it's awesome that he's had an constant playmate (first Gammie then Grandpa), he's definitely been having a bit of trouble adjusting. Mommy and Daddy are busy and not around as much, plus we keep leaving with 'just the babies' for doctor's appointments, and he's not getting out as much as he would like.

We've been making an effort to get him out of the house, even just to run to the commissary or store. And we've had a nice little spell of warmer weather which has allowed us to go on walks or play in the backyard.

This week we made a point to leave the napping babies with Grandpa, and go on a chilly little park date, something he hasn't gotten to do in several months! He and I used to go to the park nearly every other day in the summer and boy he's missed it.

So loaded up in our (hideous) wonderful crocs to combat the mud and spent some time at the park with our oldest. One step at a time to help him adjust.....

Check out other Project 52s at:

And if anyone else wants to link up- let me know!

21 February 2012

The Twins | Individually

With fraternal twins, you basically are just getting siblings who happened to share a womb and be born together. I knew that, and I expected them to be different from one another, and from Jarvis, but I have honestly been surprised just how much of their little personalities have been showing through.

Let me be clear while it may seem that this post 'compares' my children, it's more just observations on characteristics and behaviors. I love all of them and their quirks equally :) I'm writing this all down, because I know the haze of newborns will eventually fade it all away, it did with Jarvis.

Joelle. (Which by the way, is pronouced 'joe-l', in case anyone was wondering) My middle girl, squished between two boys. Oh, how mama knows how that feels, my poor girl! At first, I would have said she was going to be my laid back child, but she's showing more and more gumption every day! From day 1, she has latched better while nursing than either of the other boys, but she's super sleepy and a lazy nurser. She requires most of my attention to keep her awake and eating. She's going to be the natural snuggler of the bunch. Jarvis never was much of a snuggle boy, but with the hub's influence he's becoming more of one every day. She adores being held and rocked though, and fights being laid on her back. She'd rather be held, but sweet girl, there just aren't enough mama arms to go around, sorry.

She has these little crinkle ears, that are flat on the side and top. I love them, they look like little elf ears. She has all these little petite features. She's a little squeaker, just like her big brother Jarvis was. She's still so tiny, and I imagine she will stay that way. She's like a little squeaky mouse. She has light brown hair that is nearly long enough for clips already, and her eyes are still a dark blue.

And Joelle, my sweet Joelle. She looks like her big brother, Job. There's been a little sliver of recognition in my mind every time I look at her, and the other day, I placed it. She and Job have the same bone structure in their faces. Job was so tiny, at the time, I thought his features just indicated he wasn't completely grown yet, and it was hard for me to picture his face full grown, as a infant, or a toddler. But it's clear, looking at Joelle, that he would have resembled her. While Jarvis and Jonah share more similar features and bone structure, Joelle and Job would have looked more alike. However all three boys, Jarvis, Job, and Jonah, have Daddy's cleft chin, and lucky little Joelle doesn't!

Jonah. Ahhh.. our little grumpy old man. We've taken to calling him Jonah-bear, because he has quite the frown and scowl, but it's all just an act, he's a big sweetie. He, just like his big brother, Jarvis, had a HORRIBLE latch initially and really fought breast-feeding. We are doing much better on that front, but he still has bad habits to work on, but overall he is much more aggressive at nursing than Joelle. Because of this, I thought he was going to be more high maintenance than his sister, but since he's been eating better, he has chilled out quite a bit. He's very observant and really watches what goes on around him. He's also the better sleeper in general and has a bit more flexibility than Joelle in his wake time length. Hopefully, this will allow me to be able to synchronize them better when I am alone with all 3 kids!

Jonah is extremely expressive. I've never seen so many facial expressions on a newborn! Jarvis had quite the grumpy face going when he was a newborn, but Jonah easily beats him out. This kid has at least 4 or 5 forehead wrinkles most of the time. And he can raise one eyebrow all the way up while he furrows the other one. He makes this face most often when he starts nursing, it's hilarious!! He's also quite the gassy little boy and we are working on getting good burps out of him.

Like I said before, Jonah really resembles Jarvis more than Joelle does. He has Jarvis' nose and eyes and forehead shape, and of course, the cleft chin from Daddy! Jonah also inherited Daddy's double cowlick, whereas Jarvis just has a single one. He still has loads of hair, but it's a much darker shade than Jarvis' or Joelle's. And his sweet little eyes are still a dark blue, we will see what they turn out to be!

Hmmmm, so that's all my new mama brain can come up with for now! Be watching for a link to our studio and in home lifestyle newborn sessions tomorrow!

18 February 2012

the tangled web | loss

the first moment you hold your brand-new baby(ies) in your arms after losing another child...

everything you thought you dealt with gets even more complicated.

having more children after a loss is just a big tangled web of

fear

hope

grieving

guilt

awe

appreciation

longing

desperation

love

add in a side dish of brand-new mother hormones... and it's a big ole' mess.

because no matter how much you love the new baby(ies), and how separate the love is for your living and lost children in your heart.

motherhood is still forever colored a little differently.

The question is whether you let the shades of loss color everything darker...

or whether the streaks of new sunshine can light up the old pains.

Don't worry. I'm doing just fine. I am blessed, and so much better for having known Job and Monkey.

But please keep in mind, if you ever meet another mother who's struggling with their feelings of guilt over having a new baby after having lost another, don't act appalled or like she doesn't lover her new baby as much as the first. Things are forever different after ANY type of tragic loss or pain.

And holding my children will forever make me long to hold my missing two children. It's reality. And honestly- I miss them even more now.

But, oh, how wonderful that reunion will be someday.

And until then, I'll keep snuggling my precious children here on earth.

My dear friend Christa, who lost her sweet son Mason at just a few days old, wrote a post a few days ago that hit the nail on the head- hope she doesn't mind me sharing! But here's another mother's perspective as she celebrates the birth of her son Noah. Going through another pregnancy together at the same time was such a blessing and she has been an inspiration and support for me, as I hope I was for her.

Insta-Friday | My Valentines

1. My big boy Valentine opening his present- and yes, this was the best shot I could get, he was just too excited!

2. My little valentines, snuggled up together.

3. My favorite candy ever, a gift from my awesome hubs...

4. My 'we made it one week' indulgence (which sadly made the babies gassy... boo)

5. Sweet, sleepy boy. I love video monitors!!

6. Brother snuggles- look hard, there's a Jonah under there!

7. Cars 2, air-popped popcorn and Daddy... too bad we could only sit still for 1/4 of it!

And just for fun....

Delivery day 1 week post-partum 2 weeks post-partum

Amazing what the human body can do!!

17 February 2012

Chaotic | p52 | 2012

Wow... it's Friday again? Really??

I'm not going to lie... things are a bit crazy around here right now. Feeling a bit like we are holding onto sanity with the tips of our fingers....

Three kids- two newborns... boy they are exhausting. Big brother has loads of energy and sweet little babies have their days and nights mixed up...

But we are hanging in there and enjoying lots of sweet snuggles...

So for this week- you get a picture of my two newest Valentines. Maybe I'll actually remember next week BEFORE Friday ;)

Check out other Project 52s at:

And if anyone else wants to link up- let me know!

13 February 2012

Insta-Friday | The First Week

It took me three day to get this post written... my computer time has dropped off significantly. Which is kinda awesome... Three kids are so much work, but so much fun!

Lots of pictures this time- but if you are on Facebook or Instagram, you've probably already seen them... oh well!

1. Last picture as a family of 3 as we head to the hospital!
2. Taken the day before the twins were born, holy cow, big babies! We love us some family reading time!
3. Jace holding both the babies for the first time.
4. Me holding both the babies for the first time.
5. Joelle and Jonah!
6. Heading home, exactly 48 hours after they were born- we are so blessed!!
7. Joelle's first headband! Made by mama ;)
8. Silly sleeping babies- this is pretty much how it was in the womb, Joelle in a little ball, Jonah taking up space!
9. The best big brother EVER!
10. Grandpa's here!!! And Jarvis is thrilled to have a new playmate, since Gammie heads back to Texas tomorrow! So thankful for tag-team grandparenting!
11. Their first night home... I have waited so long to see a baby in that bassinet again... The Lord is SO GOOD.
12. Getting their sun on to fight some light jaundice...
13. Snuggling my chunky boy, Jonah...
14. My current lifesavers- featuring the stylebabyLOG- which is AMAZING!! It's the only way I am keeping my brain straight right now!!

We took their newborn studio pictures yesterday- 6 hours in a *hot* studio, haha! But our photographer, Stacy, was awesome and the babies did so well!

So far they have both had ONE bath, haha, and are both really liking eating every 3.5 hours and being swaddled. We have been able to get latching and tandem feeding down about 80% of the time, and that saves me A LOT of time! It's definitely an art form to be able to tandem breastfeed twins, but I'm excited it's working so much better than breastfeeding Jarvis ever did- I'm so much more informed now!

10 February 2012

Overflowing | p52 | 2012

This is the first time I have even touched my computer since the babies were born. I've been checking in online on my phone a couple times a day, but I was shocked when I get up this morning and there were links to project 52- is it really Friday? How did that happen?

The picture up above- the first one of my hubby with our 3 kids. Wow... how do we have 3 kids?? It's still so surreal!

Overall we are all doing very, very well. We were able to all go home only 48 hours after the c-section, which is amazing in and of itself, but even more so with twins! They are sweet, sweet babies and are growing. We are still learning to breastfeed, and every day/feeding is a new challenge, but overall they are doing so much better than Jarvis was at this time. Let me tell you though... nursing twins, tandem or separate is TIME-CONSUMING!! Sometimes it feels like I don't get out of the nursing chair for hours, which is true. They are still sleepy little newborns, but are just the sweetest things to cuddle. Unlike their big brother, who never slept as newborn and didn't like to be held, they both sleep pretty well and love being snuggled into anything, especially one another!

I am healing very well and expect to be back to normal in just a couple of weeks. Besides the actual surgery (which was a horrid experience, sigh), healing from the c-section has been much easier than the complications with Jarvis' birth. I am mobile and moving around, but still limited in how much I can do. Luckily, between Gammie and Jace, I am being well-taken care of. THe hubs has off for several weeks, which boy, do we need! For some reason, these babies sleep better in the middle of the day, so I am taking up napping when they do, because I've been getting less than 3 hours a night of broken sleep. Feeling a bit cut off from my normal social world, which is sad, especially since I know my friends are dying to meet and hold the babies. But I'm trying to remind myself that this will all go easier if we hunker down, get healthy, get feeding down, and figure out our routine as quickly as possible. And unfortunately, my dear friends are going to have to wait a bit longer for an open invitation.

Jarvis has been AMAZING with the babies. This kid continues to blow me away. Things are crazy and out of routine (which if you know us well, you know we all like routine!) and the normal attention he gets from mommy and daddy is nowhere near being met. But he is behaving like an angel. He adores the babies and calls them 'my babies' and he loves to pat their heads and be around them. He loves to read them books and share his toys. And he's doing such a good job at attempting to control the 2-year-old noise level (although really, we don't expect him to- he's 2! and they have to get used to sleeping through it all anyway!)

My dad flies in tomorrow to take over for my mom, who leaves the 14th. I'm excited to have my dad here, but boy does he have big shoes to fill with Gammie leaving. She has been absolutely amazing, and it has been such a blessing physically and emotionally to know Jarvis is well-taken care of and getting his attention and love while we work to include the babies in our family.

Of course, the wonderful postpartum hormones swing throughout the day. I go from wondering how in the world I am going to handle 3 kids, especially 2 newborns, by myself when everyone else goes back to their normal world. A couple hours later I am crying in complete joy over the amazing blessing we have been given.

We are so, so, so blessed and thankful for our little family and the love and support we have received.

07 February 2012

Baby Stats | The Fishies

I'm writing up a big post about delivery day and our hospital stay, but I wanted to get their stats up on and on the blog for all the curious people out there!

Baby A- Girl, was born first at 1:52pm. She weighed in at 5lbs 9ozs and was 18.5 inches long. Her head was 13 inches, and chest 12.25 inches. She has a full head of dark hair and blue eyes, that will likely turn brown too! She is sweet and dainty, and is the first of our 4 kids to NOT have Daddy's chin. Although she resembles her brother quite a bit, we all think she will end up looking more like me- can't wait to see!

Baby B- Boy, was born just a minute later at 1:53pm. He was a hefty 6lbs 11ozs and was 19.75 inches long. His head was 13.25 inches, and check 12.75 inches. He also has a head full of dark hair and blue eyes. He seems amazingly larger than her, although the weight difference is only a pound. He is an exact carbon copy of his older brother from Daddy's chin to his personality!

As far as mama goes, I am healing really well- every nurse has been very impressed with the job my doctor did on my incision! I am up and walking and free of any more tubes. I can now eat whatever I would like and move around freely. I am definitely sore and can't lift anything heavy or do any bending for a bit, but overall I am feeling good.

In fact, we are all doing so well that we will most likely be heading home Wednesday afternoon! Can't wait!

My good friend Stacy gave me a baby gift in the form of a mini-session at the hospital to capture the babies in all of their day old glory. Here's some of the pictures.

In the hats Gammie made them and the shirts I made them :D